“If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think anything else you do matters.”

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

I was given three miracles, on this earth, that have allowed me to experience the joys, heartache, happiness, elation and the fullness of life that comes with being a mom. THIS is what motherhood is, to me…

Motherhood is, experiencing the naive joy of reading that first positive pregnancy test, then having a perfect baby girl with a head full of hair that changed my life forever.  That girl made me a mama. It is now, seeing our beautiful Gracie girl growing and thriving and becoming a young woman.

Motherhood is, realizing that not all pregnancies end in a baby on this earth, but instead end with not one, but two babies in Heaven.  The silver lining, because there ALWAYS is one, is that my mom gets to be a grandma and my first husband gets to be a dad, in Heaven.

Motherhood is, having a baby boy with not my husband, but with my two best friends by my side, while my mom was a floor above me not expected to make it through the night. Brady is a constant source of entertainment and laughter and that, is a gift from God.

Motherhood is, having a sweet baby girl that appeared absolutely perfect, then so quickly came within hours of death. It is cherishing every single second with her because we came so close to losing her.  It is watching our sweet Abby Lew in amazement and awe as she walks runs through each day.

Motherhood is, sleepless nights, constant worry, bone weary exhaustion, a continuous feeling of failure, cooking, cleaning, never ending laundry piles, getting medicine ready,  giving 2 different medications 3x a day, doctor’s appointments, refereeing fights, consoling them when they get hurt physically & emotionally.  It is feeling like a taxi service, being a human calendar, not knowing which end is up sometimes. It is having a husband that is my biggest support, my greatest fan and my most favorite teammate in this parenting gig.  It is putting my babies before myself Every. Single. Day.

Motherhood is, wishing that MY mama were here to experience this season of life with me.  I wish she could be in the stands watching my kids play sports. Spoiling them at the concession stand, spoiling them on their birthdays and Christmas, but even more just spoiling them with her time and attention all the days in between. I wish she were here so that I could talk to her, laugh with her, cry with her. I wish she were here so I could tell her that in all my years, having her on this earth, I NEVER fully appreciated all that she did for me, all of the sacrifices she made, until she was gone.

Sending a BIG Happy Mother’s Day to all you mama’s out there that fight the good fight for your kids every single day. It is THE hardest job on the planet. It is the most thankless job on earth. It is a daily grind that is not for the faint of heart. At the end of the day, we all just do the best we can, and if your kids FEEL love, SEE love and KNOW that all that you do for them is done out of love, you are doing a whole lotta things right.

And, Happy Mother’s Day to my own mama. The gravel road to our house is no match for the streets of gold she’s walking in Heaven, but I miss her all the same.

Me and my mama, eighteen(ish) years ago.

As always, thanks for reading!


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